- Paraphrase back what you just heard. Reflecting back in your own words what you hear can feel validating for the speaker. It can also illuminate any discrepancies between what was meant and what was heard to allow for clarification.
- Listen to understand not respond. This may feel tough if you don’t agree with the speaker’s message, but you can listen and express validation for the speaker’s perspective even when you do not see eye to eye. This includes not interrupting the speaker and avoiding preparing your reply while they are sharing their heart.
- Maintain a posture of curiosity. Be open and neutral when listening. It is normal to jump to judgment, so just mindfully note when that happens, and then bring yourself back to the present moment by asking open-ended questions to better understand the speaker.
- If you find yourself getting defensive, take a time-out. Pushing pause on the conversation can allow you to come back at a time when you are feeling more able to listen without getting emotionally charged. Explaining, “I feel myself getting defensive/upset/etc., and this conversation is important to me – can we come back to this in 20 minutes?” will allow you to return to the conversation from a calmer place.
- Avoid abruptly ending or changing the conversation. This can convey that you aren’t listening or aren’t comfortable. If uncomfortable, take stock of your feelings. Sometimes it’s okay to feel uncomfortable when presented with new ideas – other times, you may need to state what you need to restore emotional safety.
- Pay attention to your body language. Do you look interested? Are you making eye contact? Rooted in mindfulness, this tip of putting your body in a posture of focus can actually make active listening easier for the listener and affirming for the speaker.
